I’m gonna make a streaming service that’s all ads because apparently people don’t give a damn about it anymore.

I will never support another politician again.

Fuck ugh Fetterman.

The Onion coming in hot today.

It’s probably cheaper to hire Zach Efron to attract a bunch of girls than it is to hire a bunch of girls directly

What makes the rice Greek?

I’m thankful I haven’t worked for a company with an office for over a decade.

I didn’t think it was weird but when I put lox on my bagel one of my coworkers gagged and asked “ugh how can you eat fish for breakfast?”

Which is rich considering her people invented scrapple.

Thanks. As you can tell I am very old.

Yes but we don’t live in other countries. We live in the stupid one.

Yep, it was done over the internet. The idea was to get Nader to 3% without electing Bush.

Neither happened because people are terrible and we can’t have nice things.

That’s the awesome part about democracy: you get one of two shitty choices.

Gore’s election was the first I could vote in.

I voted for Kucinich in the primary and then traded my vote for Gore in a swing state for a vote for Nader in MA.

Then my “Al Gore won the votes” bumper sticker was torn off my car while I was at work at Cracker Barrel.

Also it might be in the thirty mile zone so you don’t need to pay mileage

There was a show on Nick Jr that taught me how to count to three in Chinese while my kids had snack time.

Welcome to America where the rules are made up and the truth doesn’t matter.

Had me in the first half, not gonna lie

Enshittification.

Lonely shark doot doo doo doot doo doo

Back when they were cool ThinkGeek would sell the Annoy-o-tron, which just randomly made a loud beep.

I need to travel from the east coast to Denver and the only reason I’m flying is because work wouldn’t let me file a mileage expense for a couple thousand dollars.